CNN, FOX News, and Lifetime all reported this ever-important information in the wee hours this morning between episodes of Anderson Cooper: Afterhours, The O'Reilly Factor, and the shocking conclusion to "Woman Gets Hit By Space Trash and Seeks Revenge."
A sleepy Senator Obama responded to this startling information in a 3 a.m. phone call Wolf Blitzer by stating, "I think it's clear that the American people are tired of cheese."
Senator Obama won the lactose intolerant vote by a landslide in Indiana and North Carolina, defeating Hillary by a whopping 95%.
Other demographics in which Senator Obama is heavily favored include red-headed stepchildren, the quadriplegic, FONZ members, and ventriloquists. Pollsters and pundits are also predicting that Senator Obama will beat Senator Clinton among south paw voters in West Virginia.
While Obama is expected to fare well among the aforementioned groups, Clinton is expected to do well among two demographics in particular: bitter, old spinsters, and bra-burners.
Getting in on the voter demographic breakdown, Senator McCain was found to be successful in the deceased population. Self-appointed representative of the deceased Dick Clark stated that only Senator McCain understands the trials and tribulations of the deceased. Mortician James Van Dingle says that a lot of the survivors at Charleston's Toe Tags Unlimited claim that their loved ones professed their love for McCain before their passing. One such survivor recalls a conversation with his 107-year old great-grandmother Edna just before her passing.
"Granny E told me that she loved John McCain because she remembered her older sister dating him in college, and he seemed like such a gentleman," said Johnny Law. "Then, she blew her nose with her nightgown and declared herself the Queen of Scots." Law began to cry, explaining that this was the last conversation he had with his great-grandmother.
4 comments:
Great post my dear. I am Hills, bra burning old, poor, undereducated, female demographic, and guess what? No so much. Actually I'm really beginning to hate her ass. If she doesn't quit soon I think someone will need to put a stake in her heart. Will someone please shut that bitch up!
And yes, I'm also bitter, but I do like arugula. Did I spell that right? See what I mean about us ignorant old white women?
WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO! EDWARDS ENDORSES OBAMA.
President gives up gold in honor of the troops. I kid you not.
Oh if only "president gives up gold. No, sadly no. The president gives up golf, golf! Poor man. What a sacrifice.
Senator McCain was found to be successful in the deceased population.. May I borrow that quote from you BYF? That's awsome!
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